Widows and Multiple Injustices
Written by Ramita Paraswati
“Many discussions about the women’s emancipation, but leave out the burden of widows.”
April 21 marks Kartini Day, which celebrates the emancipation of Indonesian women. This day has been instrumental in promoting gender equality and has increased communities, research, and institutions focused on women’s rights. However, the issue of the emancipation of widows is still overlooked.
According to BPS statistical data, the divorce rate in Indonesia fell by 10.2% in 2023, with 463,654 cases being reported compared to 516,344 the previous year. The seven regions that dominated the divorce cases were Serang (Banten), Lamongan (East Java), Banyuwangi (East Java), Tegal (Central Java), Majalengka (West Java), Garus (West Java), Brebes (Central Java). This decrease indicates there will be around four hundred thousand new widows and widowers in 2023 due to divorce, death, or separation. These women will now be faced with the dual role of being both mothers and fathers, which can be incredibly challenging, especially for those with young children who require both emotional and financial support.
Carrying out the role of mother and father in a household is difficult. Especially if they have small children who need assistance and education, moral and material burdens must also be faced by the widows and widowers. Unfortunately, the burden of a widow is often heavier than that of a widower, leading many women to have to work harder to provide for their families. Some even have to choose between their careers and their children’s happiness, emphasizing the importance of material needs over family togetherness.
This sacrifice can lead to tough decisions, such as migrating to other countries to work, turning to prostitution, or even becoming someone’s second wife. These women face double standards, as they are treated differently from unmarried girls despite sharing the same gender.
There are three crucial areas in which this double standard is evident. Firstly, unmarried girls are considered immature, while widows are seen as adults, even if they are still in their teens or have young children. As a result, parents and the community supervise girls more strictly than widows. This, in turn, correlates with social norms. Where girls feel the need to maintain their honor before marriage, such as the prohibition of dating. Meanwhile, widows have more opportunities to lower their standards of honor, such as allowing a man to visit for a long time or even allowing them to live together even without marital status.
Secondly, working girls are encouraged to pursue their careers, skills and passions without feeling obliged to provide for their families, unless they are willing to do so. Whereas widows, when they work, are required to provide for their families, even though they already have children who work.
The third is about marriage. In most cases, girls considered old enough to marry are encouraged to get married immediately to find a husband. However, this is less the case with widows who are more likely to be advised to delay their marriages due to the mental state of their children. On the other hand, men who marry widows may avoid widows with small children on the assumption that they will have to pay for the child’s schooling. It is different if the child is an adult who is either married or working, men will think that marrying a widow will be easier.
Therefore, raising public awareness about these double standards is critical to providing equal opportunities for women to determine their rights. It will also help to create a more equitable society that applies the same norms and ethics toward both unmarried girls and widows, regardless of their status.